well you can't waste a boner
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
