hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize