I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
