we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
