i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
