I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
