My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We got so high we made milksteak
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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