there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
