I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
