you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
