That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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