lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
