The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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