so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
why do cheetos always look like penises
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
