Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
