Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
