THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
