White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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