Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
