Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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