I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
