do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
