I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
