very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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