i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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