the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Boobs are out for the taking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
