she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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