literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize