fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
