You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize