Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
