I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
