I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
