yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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