im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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