I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
