cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
