he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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