I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
