it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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