I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize