so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
