My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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