I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
