see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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