this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
