thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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