You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
