two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize