I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize