you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
