TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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