I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
