"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My bed smells like the plague
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
