If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize