shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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