it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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