this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
