First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
