i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
