I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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