a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
