I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize